February 2012
82 posts
Soundwave in the morning, not even keen.
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Trying on outfit's for work Monday.
Nothing looks like I wanted my first outfit to look like *cries* Wish my ebay items arrived in time.
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My new house does not have scales and I can't see...
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Monday will finally be my first back to dancing...
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I am so envious of all my talented and well off...
Seeing two of my friends getting to play & headline a rave in Tokyo is pure envy, even worse is right after the will also be going to the USA, and will get to see people I miss oh so much. I would love to get paid or at least be able to afford easily fly around world and party, instead I got to basically sacrifice everything to get stuff like that.
I am seriously starting to think I will...
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I never thought things could be this hard.
After all the preparation for moving day and how much it was already going to be such a hard thing to go through, nothing could’ve prepared me for this.
Honestly, my bad luck is so hilarious, I really do wonder what I ever did to deserve it.
After taking forever to finally decide and make the move to move into my friends household, I moved this morning all my belongings into their house....
So much has been happening. Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days of my life. So I am getting insanely high tonight after work. So keen since its been over a fortnight since I have tasted bliss.
Kazantip
Decided I am going to go to Kazantip, the worlds longest and largest rave this year. Six weeks long, Mafia run & completely wild. I am going to have to give up everything I was saving for to go to this. But I will make it happen. It will be the perfect escape too bad it is not til July.
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My PT took my measurements today finally...
It took every little bit of strength I have left to not burst out crying there and then. I got to figure out how to fix the damage I have done lately. My three training sessions a week aren’t fixing things quick enough.
The awkward moment when you have no one to turn to...
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It's so funny that in the process of a day...
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I hate having capped internet, I have so many...
The awkward moment when you realise you are not...
Brendan’s niece is outside my bedroom door giggling and making noise and i just overheard her saying ”Aunty Sam’s toy”.
God fucking dammit why does this all have to be so fucking hard. I just want to stop feeling so attached to everything to do with this. Every day I get closer to moving I realise what a huge mistake I am making.
Why is it the one night I have to take public...
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I was ment to be happy during 2012, I was not ment to constantly feel like this any more. Instead its the same old shit, I am tired of these lows. Why can I not just those highs I occasionally am blessed with constantly.
Sometimes I wonder if I should give up and take the pills they keep trying to prescribe me. Give up the highs, lose the lows. Become numb and emotional-less.
Again torn between...
